I need to speak with the man in charge, fellas.
Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern.
Vikram, what kind of coverage you gettin'?
I just kept it rolling till they put this hood over my head.
Bill speaks their language. What are they saying, Billy?
Hold on.
Okay. Apparently they're taking a hostage. Obviously they've chosen Ned...
Uh, now that they've found out that I speak Filipino...
they seem to be changing their minds.
- Do you have a vault? They want to know if there's a vault. - There's no vault.
Our vault contains at least 10 different currencies...
from all over the world at any given moment...
and we are prepared for every kind of financial necessity.
There goes Ned's inheritance.
Tell them if they don't get off my boat right now...
there's gonna be a major shit-storm.
Ned-o, can you hear me?
We'll get ya back, Billy. Is everybody else safe? Anne-Marie, are you okay, honey?
No, I'm not. I told you these were unprotected waters.
What a fuckin' nightmare.
Be cool on this shit, okay, cubbie?
I mean, at least try to show both sides.
I need to find a baby for this father.
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
Steve.
Here we go.
- Steve, what are you going... - I said get your ass...
the hell off of my boat!
#I'm a street-walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm #
#I'm a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb #
#I am a world's forgotten boy #
# The one who searches and destroys #
#Honey, gotta help me, please #
#Somebody gotta save my soul #
#Baby, detonate for me Ow #
#Look out, honey 'cause I'm usin' technology #
#Ain't got time to make no apology ##
I've never seen a bond company stooge stick his neck out like that.
What's that sound?
- Is that... - The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah.
"As if the natural world's been turned upside down. " Lord Mandrake.
Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle.
Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink.
Those fucking amateurs.
You left your dog, you idiots.
Wrap this stiff in a tablecloth. We're gonna bury him at sea.
Shouldn't we give him to the authorities or something?
No.
I'll write up a few words to read over him.
How ya holdin' up there, intern? Doin' okay?
Ned, how many fingers am I holdin' up?
I don't know. That's not my job.
Too many to tell.
- How many fingers... - He's gonna be just fine.
I believe it's criminal that Steve allowed this to happen to us...
by which I mean illegal.
We're being led on an illegal suicide mission by a selfish maniac.
I hear what you're saying, but I think you misjudge the guy.
Saint Paul said to the Corinthians...
"Without kin, no man may regard himself kindly. Without s... "
Holy shit! Son of a bitch. Cut.
This is Captain Hennessey. We've come in response to your distress signal.
Remain calm until...
Good God. Is that you, Steven?
Ogata, run downstairs and put a tarp over anything that says "Operation Hennessey" on it.
What about this guy?
Just throw him over the other side.
Your engine blew up, and all your fuel's been stolen. Is that correct?
- Uh-huh. - I certainly know how you feel.
Some crooked fuckers just stripped my sea lab, you know.
Probably the same dudes.
I can tow you as far as Port-au-Patois.
I'll need your signature on that invoice first.
It accounts for the expenses of the rescue operation as well as my time and that of my crew.
This is more than the budget of my whole project.
It's an estimate. Uh, what's your dog's name?
Cody.
Be still, Cody.
I have to run this by my bond company stooge.
- He's been kidnapped. - That's true.
- I have to rescue him first. - Well, sign it now, or I'm leavin' you out here.
Oh. I dined with Eleanor last weekend, by the way.
She's summering at my villa in West Port-au-Patois, don't you know.
Say, how's Team Zissou holdin' up without her?
The first thing that goes through a captain's head...
when he hears there's low morale goin' around is:
"What'd I do? Is it all my fault?"
Well, he's probably right.
Most of us have been together a long time.
There are others that were here before that.
Do you all not like me anymore?
I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't know.
Look, if you're not against me...
don't cross this line.
If yes, do.
I love you all.
- Are you sure? - Yes, I am.
- I don't understand. Why? - What do you mean?
Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if...
- Cross the line if you're going to quit. - Oh.
Do it again. I misunderstood.
Hi, Ross.
I got your corrections on the proofs. They're fine, but...
I'm not coming back.
It's over. Please don't try to contact me, okay?
You'll hear from us sometime.
We got attacked by pirates.
I feel as if life is...
Well, you get the idea. Anyway, take care of yourself. Jane.
Will you write to me?
Of course. Give me the address.
Well, actually, I went ahead and stamped and self-addressed...
50 or so envelopes just to...
make it easier for you.
Thanks. I'll use them.
Each one has three blank pages in it, and...
here's a pen.
Maybe I'm going to write you a letter right now.
Okay.
Bet I'm gonna really miss you, Ned.
I'm gonna miss you too.
In fact, I feel like...
I don't know. I feel like my heart's almost getting broken.
I guess I'm overreacting.
Is that really true?
Yes, it is.
That was all off the record, cubbie.
That whole deal.
Actually, I'm surprised you didn't cross the line yourself.
- What line? - The line I drew on the deck just now.
- You weren't up there? - No.
You're kidding.
That was one of the most dramatic things that's ever happened on this boat.
I just lost all my best interns.
I thought you were supposed to be covering this story.
- You just said it was all off the record. - Yeah, but you didn't know that.
Well, I was down here packing.
Flipped the wrong breaker.
So, you are leaving.
You're jumpin' ship on me.
I'm going to scrap the article.
You mean you're not even gonna write the cover story on me?
Man, I just don't have any stature anymore.
Sorry, Steve. Everything just got too weird. That's all.
But I gave you a goddamn showstopper up there.
Are you sleeping with Ned?
That's none of your business.
Okay.
- Are ya? - No, I'm not.
You're gonna miss the jaguar shark.
Or whatever it is if it actually exists.
Are you crying?
You cry easily, don't you?
Bloody hell. God save that poor little stooge.
- This never would have happened if Eleanor was with us. - Thanks, man.
Your luck had better damn well change soon, mate.
Now, I must away. I'll send you a postcard from my travels.
Wh... Wait. Where are you goin'?
Abroad for a spell, my darling. It's my passport status, you see.
I'm X-9 at the moment. Legally, I'm a fugitive.
Wait a second. They stole my budget...
my boat's broken, you're ditchin' me up the creek.
What am I supposed to do here?
Well, I must say, nothing's jumping to mind.
Phillip, any suggestions? No, he's shaking his head.
Land ho! Port-au-Patois dead ahead!
Port-au-Patois! Port-au-Patois!
Ho! Ho!
Ho!
Land ho! Ho!
No. I can't give you full credit, but I'm not gonna flunk you either.
You're all getting incompletes.
This is bullshit.
Oh, shit. What do you want?
Do you mind if I butter you up a little bit before I answer that question?
Yes, I do. Tell me now.
I need some money to get the boat out of hock...
and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped.
Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
No.
Okay.
Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway?
It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
- Who's that dude? - That's my research assistant, Javier.
Javier, presento Steve.
Steve.
Necesito cinco minutos, por favor.
You know, I'd be jealous about you staying at Allie's place...
except I always thought he was kind of a closet queer.
So how's your father-son relationship coming along?
Well, nobody has a real lock on any of this, so I don't know how it all times out.
I mean, I know I want him to think of me like a father.
But the fact that there's an outside chance...
that he could really be my actual...
biological son...
is very difficult for me.
You know I'm not big on apologizing.
So I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.
- Okay. - Anyway, I'm sorry.
I know I haven't been at my best this past decade.
That's true.
What happened to me?
Did I lose my talent?
Am I ever gonna be good again?
I don't know.
Doesn't matter anyway.
It's probably the last adventure I've got in me.
I was hopin' to go out in a flash of blazes...
but I'll probably just end up goin' home.
Unless you're plannin' to sell the island.
I wonder how much I could get for it.
In this market?
You were probably right all along. We should've had a kid together.
Of course...
you were kind of already...
on the edge of bein' too old.
Unless maybe that's a cop-out.
It's worse than a cop-out. I was 34.
It's good to see ya, Eleanor.
I'm about to blow my stack.
I turn my back, and the bullshit begins.
Ned, you're a scumbag.
And, Jane, you're a goddamn liar.
What the fuck are you doing in here?
What the "F" are you doing in here?
I warned you about being in other people's cabins.
You were supposed to go home.
Well, you convinced me to stay and finish the story.
- Is it still the cover? - I don't fucking know.
Don't you dare put on that uniform.
It's all I have with me.
I told you I have a bit of a thing for her.
"Not this one," I said.
You said, "Not this one, Klaus. "
So you heard me.
You're too old for me, Steve.
Well, you're pregnant.
Can I have a word with you privately?
Yes.
Follow me.
Are you two fighting?
I'll deal with you later.
Look, Steve. I know we both like her...
and you're angry and embarrassed, but leave her out of it.
You think that's what this is about?
Shit, Ned. What has that bull dyke been telling you?
All right. I'm gonna warn you now. Be a gentleman.
What are you doin' here? I thought all you interns ran out on me.
I want to help you find that shark.
Goddamn it. Thank ya, intern.
- You're gettin' an "A." - His name's Nico.
- Who? - Hello, Vikram.
Give me that camera. I'm gonna smash it over your head.
Cut!
I misread you, man.
I'm gonna have to rethink some shit.
You don't know me. You never wanted to know me.
I'm just a character in your film.
It's a documentary. It's all really happening.
Well, damn you for that.
Go to bed, you sons of bitches.
That pregnant slut's been playin' us like a cheap fiddle.
That's it. I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve. "
You just smile and act natural...
and then you sucker punch him.
- You fight your way, and I'll fight mine. - Oh, listen, Ned.
Don't you try to...
I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
You call yourself my son, but...
I just don't see it.
It's nothin' personal.
What do you want?
Nothin'.
That's so arrogant.
That's... Screw off.
I can't believe I asked if I could call you Dad.
- Of course you said no. - I let you call me Stevesy. It sounds better.
It doesn't mean the same thing.
A week before she killed herself...
my mother told me that you'd known about me since the day I was born.
Is that a fact?
That's a fact.
I ought to have stayed in Kentucky where I belong.
Quiet.
Somebody pay for this water taxi.
You got any petty cash on you?
Remind me to send Eleanor's parents a thank-you note on the good correspondence stock.
Okay.
This is the message we received earlier tonight...
on our answering machine at Pescespada Island.
Bill Ubell here. I'm on a pay phone.
I am still blindfolded. My arms are bound.
But a young boy has been kind enough to assist me.
There's not much chance I'll get another opportunity to call...
so I thought I would ask if...
What? No.
Well, thanks for checkin' in, Bill.
Next time maybe you could let us know where you're at.
Based on the quality of the connection...
the variety of wildlife in the background...
and the elapsed time between Mr. Ubell's capture and this message...
there's a good chance he's on one of the Ping Islands.
There used to be a four-star hotel on Little Ping.
But the entire island was destroyed by a monsoon five years ago.
It's been uninhabited ever since.
I know the place. Hotel Citroën.
Cubbie, I'd like to speak on the record for a moment.
Eleanor has always been the brains behind Team Zissou.
By the way...
are you gonna put in a good description of the command center I've set up down here?
Okay, gang. That's the plan. Set a course for Ping Island, full speed ahead.
You'll need to hire a team of mechanics to rebuild the engine first, of course.
I know. I'm saying after that.
Just because I've decided to save your neck again and help you do this rescue...
doesn't mean you've won me back.
Yes, ma'am.
Thanks.
- Is the father out of the picture? - Mm-hmm.
Actually, I was sort of terrified about having this baby.
And right now I'm not really scared of anything.
- Maybe it's my hormones. - That makes sense.
I'm going to tell you something confidentially...
which won't be mentioned again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who can say this, including Steve.
Never mind how I found out. I'm a scientist.
It's the thing that puzzles me about Ned's situation.
- What is it? - Zissou shoots blanks.
Huh.
I think maybe it's because he spent half his life underwater.
Let's try track three against picture.
A treacherous reef surrounds the Ping Islands...
warning intruders to keep their distance.
Today we discover one of its victims off the coast of Ping Three.
Our colleague Alistair Hennessey and his crew are nowhere to be found.
We will land at dawn.
Not bad. We'll temp it with that, anyway.
All right. Let's go!
Oh, shit. Swamp leeches.
Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off.
Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?
What a shame.
They had a bartender here, Kino, made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted.
You ready, Vikram?
Five-six and a half.
All right. Shall we do this?
The barometer's falling. It's gonna rain in five minutes. We gotta be quick.
- Well, where are they? - Unknown. Split into two groups.
I'll take Ned, Ogata and Wolodarsky.
Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
What?
We're smack in the middle of a lightning-strike rescue op, Klaus.
- What's the deal? - I'm sick of being on "B" Squad.
Listen. You may be on "B" Squad, but you're the "B" Squad leader.
Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?
I've always thought of you two as my dads.
Please don't let anyone make fun of me for saying so.
I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try.
Can we get on with the maneuvers now?
Wolodarsky, you got something?
Not yet.
Anybody see anybody?
Empty.
- Klaus, pirates? - Zip.
I think this whole place is deserted.
Shit! We played a bum hunch.
Fuck. Okay, let's not get down on ourselves.
We still got two more Ping Islands to check out...
except I don't know if we have enough gas to do it.
Damn it, Steve.
This sucks.
I'm disappointed in myself.
My first wife, Jacqueline, and I spent our honeymoon here.
Things are pretty different now.
All right. Let's check out.
Did you get that, Vikram?
- Uh, yeah. - Good.
We'll give them the reality this time.
A washed-up old man with no friends...
no distribution deal, wife on the rocks...
people laughin' at him, feelin' sorry for himself.
Can I have a word alone with my son, please?
- Are you all right? - Not really.
By the way, I've been tryin' to think of a nickname...
that might mean the right thing.
I came up with Papa Steve.
I'm sorry I never acknowledged your existence all those years.
It won't happen again. I mean it.
You are my son to me.
Almost more so.
See, for me to meet a guy like you at this time in my life...
I don't know. Uh, it's just...
I want to communicate my feelings to you...
but... I think I might start to cry.
That's okay.
Psst!
There's something in the coat check.
Hey, Billy. You okay?
- Did you get my message? - Yeah. It was kind of garbled.
Oh.
Jesus.
These pirates are monsters.
Well, yeah, but remember I shot one of their guys in the neck last week and killed him...
so I think we're okay too.
Where's Cody?
Cody?
Steven. Are you rescuing me?
Fold.
Klaus! Bring the dynamite!
They're in there after all. Run! Go!
Move! Now!
Vikram got some great footage of your boat out there. I guess it's totaled, huh?
Perhaps, but we're extremely well insured.
I'll probably come out ahead in the end.
Although we'll obviously have to crew up from scratch next time.
They made soup out of my research turtles.
Ogata, give some first aid to Pelé.
Klausie, Ned-o...
dig in here, and hold these rustlers off...
while I call in the rendezvous.
We'll meet on the beach.
You're "A" Squad.
Renzo. Renzo. Renzo. Anybody. Hello. Hello.
This gizmo's out of juice.
Thanks.
No. Captain.
That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Merci, Cedric.
Remind me. We'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.
Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water.
No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.
Hey, Ned. It looks like we recovered your inheritance.
Klausie.
That's it. I'm retired.
Oh, no. We forgot Cody. We gotta go back.
Good-bye, Cody.
See, this represents the Belafonte.
And here's Pescespada Island.
And that circle represents friendship.
And the "K" here stands for Klaus.
Where's your symbol, Ned?
Oh, I didn't want to impose myself.
Klaus is right. The flag needs a Ned symbol.
Ah, I suppose we could put an "N" on the side of that octopus.
What's that stand for over there?
That's Esteban.
Well, it was workin' okay until late last night...
but now the whole tracking system's gone completely on the fritz.
Screw it. We'll sell it for scrap along with the boat and the submarines.
I'm goin' home.
Let's take up the whirlybird and see what we find out there anyway.
I got a feelin' we can spot this fish from 111 feet up.
Ned, I don't know if I ever even saw the bastard.
I have $275,000 invested in this damn production.
Somethin' ate Esteban, didn't it?
Now lead!
Right?
Right? Ho!
#See the dwarfs and see the giants #
Ho.
# Which one would you choose to be #
#And if you can't get that together #
#Here's the answer Here's the key #
# You can freeze like a 30 century man #
- #Like a 30 century man # - What's that?
A letter from Jane.
What does she say?
Nothin' to speak of.
Thank you for putting me on the flag, Ned.
Of course, Klaus. It was my pleasure.
Yeah, but you stitched me onto the dolphin...
and I want you to know how much that means to me.
- Well, I'm very pleased you liked it. - Y-You're not listening.
I didn't just like it.
- You understand? - Yes, I do.
- Thank you, Klaus. - #Play it cool #
#Like a 30 century man #
#Be a 30 century man ##
I've still got yours, of course.
My what?
Dear Captain Zissou.
I am 12 years old and live in Jawbone, Kentucky.
A creek runs behind our house where I live with my mother.
She met you once some years ago...
and I collect and catalog amphibians, reptiles and insects.
I don't know what this one is called, so I named it myself.
You are probably my one of, if not the, favorite person I've ever studied.
I plan to be either, "A," an oceanographer...
"B," an architect, "C," a pilot.
Thank you very much for your good work.
Sincerely, Ned Plimpton, Blue Star Cadet, Zissou Society.
P.S. Do you ever wish you could breathe underwater?
I still wish I could breathe underwater.
Me too, Ned.
- Fluorescent snapper! - What?
Really? What's that?
A good sign. The last time we saw that big shitkicker, he...
Somethin' popped up there, didn't it?
I heard a pin snap loose in the rotator mechanism.
This is gonna hurt.
Ned!
- Ned! - Hey, Stevesy.
Are you okay?
I think I'm okay.
What happened? Did we hit something?
Most likely not.
I think maybe the pushrod failed.
I'm sorry, Ned. I should've scrapped this chopper 10 years ago.
You know, maybe I should've autorotated...
and performed a high bank through our descent.
We might've crashed a little softer.
Probably wouldn't have made any difference though.
Oh.
#Should I try to hide #
# The way I feel inside #
#My heart for you #
# Would you say that you #
- Jedidiah said to the Israelites... - # Would try to love me too #
#In your mind could you ever be #
#Really close to me #
#I can tell the way you smile #
#If I feel that I could be certain then #
#I would say the things I want to say tonight #
- #But till I can see # - All hands bury the dead.
# That you'd really care for me #
#I will dream #
# That someday you'll be really close to me #
#I can tell the way you smile #
#If I feel that I could be certain then #
#I would say the things I want to say tonight #
#But till I can see #
# That you'd really care for me #
#I'll keep tryin' to hide the way I feel inside ##
#When I live my dream #
This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried in front of me as long as I've known her.
Except for once when she got her arm caught in the deck winch.
Is this my espresso machine?
Wh-What is... How did you get my espresso machine?
Well, uh...
we fuckin' stole it, man.
Allie, why don't you go powder your nose. I need to talk to your ex-wife.
We've never made great husbands, have we?
Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay.
Supposedly everyone is.
I never told you this, but I was hoping...
we might get the chance to adopt Ned.
I think he would've wanted it that way.
- Would you have gone along with me on that? - He was 30, Steve.
- But I'd have considered it. - Thanks, Eleanor.
We're a dying breed.
Yeah.
I guess we were all right while we lasted though, weren't we?
Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling.
We were like that bloody shark of yours.
We swam with the, um, uh...
Oh, goddamn it. I had it on the plane.
What was I gonna say? Ah, well.
- It's good to see you. - How's your passport status?
Much better, thank you. I'm back down to X-4.
Tell me. Who knocked up the reporter?
I don't know.
By the way, thanks for showing me the first draft.
You read it. What did you think?
Well, I was a little embarrassed at first.
Obviously people are gonna think I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick.
But then I realized...
that's me.
I said those things. I did those things.
I can live with that.
You're a good writer, Jane.
It's the f-ing cover.
That-a-girl.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt...
but we just got the scanning monitor back up...
and it looks like the jaguar shark, or whatever it is that we're tracking...
is in a trench on the far side of the reef.
What the hell is going on in here?
Cheap wiring.
Anybody feel like going for a ride?
"Ned's Theme. " Take one.
I hooked a rhinestone bluefin on a rope to give him something to eat.
Is that one of mine?
I think one of my research turtles survived.
Looks good.
Is that him?
That's him, Klaus.
Are we... Are we safe in here?
I doubt it.
You still want to blow him up?
No. We're out of dynamite anyway.
It is beautiful, Steve.
Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?
I wonder if it remembers me.
In 12 years he'll be 11 and a half.
That was my favorite age.
Like this?
Just like that.
You do it too.
We complete the adventure...
but another number of our crew has been lost.
This one was my son.
Also our equity partner.
We start the voyage home in our wounded vessel.
- Ho. - Ho.
This is an adventure.
#Ah, yeah #
# Oh, yeah #
#I'm up on the 11th floor and I'm watching the cruisers below #
#He's down on the street and he's trying hard to pull sister Flo #
# Oh, my heart's in the basement My weekend's at an all-time low #
# 'Cause she's hoping to score so I can't see her letting him go #
# Walk out of her heart Walk out of her mind #
#I've lost her #
#She's so swishy in her satin and tat #
#In her frock coat and bippity-boppity hat #
# Oh, God I could do better than that #
# Oh, yeah #
#She's an old-time ambassador of sweet-talking night-walking games #
#And she's known in the darkest clubs for pushing ahead of the dames #
#If she says she can do it then she can do it #
#She don't make false claims #
#But she's a queen and such are queens #
# That your laughter is sucked in their brains #
#Now she's leading him on and she'll lay him right down #
# Yeah, she's leading him on and she'll lay him right down #
#But it could have been me Yes, it could have been me #
# Why didn't I say Why didn't I say #
#No, no, no #
#She's so swishy in her satin and tat #
#In her frock coat and bippity-boppity hat #
# Oh, God I could do better than that #
#So I lay down a while and I gaze at my hotel wall #
# Oh, the cot is so cold it don't feel like no bed at all #
# Yeah, I lay down a while and look at my hotel wall #
#And he's down on the street #
#So I throw both his bags down the hall #
#And I'm phoning a cab 'cause my stomach feels small #
# There's a taste in my mouth and it's no taste at all #
#It could have been me Oh, yeah, it could have been me #
# Why didn't I say #
# Why didn't I say No, no, no #
#She's so swishy in her satin and tat #
#In her frock coat and bippity-boppity hat #
# Oh, God I could do better than that #
# You betcha #
# Oh, yeah #
# Uh-huh #
#Mmm ##